


His Signal is Gone

by Aurelius_Carlan



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Dark, Revenge, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 08:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15968126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurelius_Carlan/pseuds/Aurelius_Carlan
Summary: The confrontation in the arc's engine room plays out, but from Futaba's perspective. She has to deal with her feelings about her mother's killer, and what to do with them.





	His Signal is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this one is not a happy one. Especially if you empathize a lot with Goro Akechi. And kind of also if you like Futaba Sakura. But I feel I've been respectful to both characters. But this is not a happy story.

When the shutter crashed down, Futaba finally dared to breathe again. 

The battle had been brutal and tense, of course, trying to read Akechi's moves, first in his self-controlled, calculated style of fighting as Crow, and then the wild, desperate lashing out as Black Mask. 

Black Mask. Her mother's murderer. It made sense that it was Akechi. She figured it was him. But to see him in front of her, to have that vague 'idea' of 'her mother's murderer' turn into something very, very real in front of her.

She wished she had a Persona that could actually fight at that point. She wished she could have just... put some hurt on him. But all she could do was to shield, and protect and warn and keep him from taking more from her than he'd already taken. Her friends, her new family, her key item.

Ren.

She didn't love him that way. She didn't think. She didn't want to marry him or do... stuff with him. She'd just prefer if he remained pretty front and central in her life forever, please, thank you. He was on her side. Always. The whole world had always seemed a hostile and cruel place, but with him by her side, she felt like it was all... well, still hostile and cruel, but unable to really hurt her. They were strong.

She'd fantasized of the day they'd face Black Mask, teaming up as they would bring her mother's killer to justice, he'd stand with her, giving her strength as she unleashed all the years of anger and hatred she'd been aiming at herself at him.

But then the Black Mask had been Goro Akechi. Ren's stupid, stupid crush.

Maybe that was unfair. She didn't know if he had a crush. Maybe it was respect as rivals. Maybe he saw something familiar in him. Maybe Goro Akechi just was like a sad puppy to him. But whatever the reason, their leader, whose glare when he told the Shadows of the assholes they faced to go back and clean up their act was the stuff of nightmares, reached out to him, offered understanding, respect, forgiveness. And the Phantom Thieves followed suit. She admired Haru for that soft spoken reminder that he was not forgiven. She wished she had dared.

But this was too great a moment. The Great Leader of the Phantom Thieves Versus the Corrupt Detective Prince. Good Versus Evil. A Kind Hero VS the Twisted Villain. Friendship and Hope VS Hatred and Despair. Every story she'd ever read or watched said this was a moment to join the chorus or fall silent. What did a geeky girl's grudge matter in a situation like this?

So, in the moment she'd always thought she'd get to be cool and awesome and get everything off her chest, where she'd later treasure each word as they'd beat the killer up and haul him off to get carted off to forever jail, she'd just stood silently by as others talked, stammering out some of her own words now and then. Maybe not an NPC, but definitely a minor character. 

She said she understood how he'd been caught up in hate. And she meant it. She understood where Goro Akechi came from. She dared to think she understood better than anyone here, even with all the shit they had to handle.

The loneliness. The guilt that is tainting every moment. That made all hopes of the future ridiculous pipe dreams, that made all good memories burning hot irons reminding you what you ruined with your very existence, that made every moment in the present something to be fled from, to forget yourself in anything. The self destructive urge that made every act to sustain yourself seem like a selfish and foolish action. That made every kindness offered a pity, a waste of good people's time. The desperation to please, to perhaps gain some love from those who should care for you, and the sadness, but eventually the stoic acceptance that you weren't getting it because you were.... you. Even now, she had to stay away from that kind of thinking, or they'd drag her back to her room and lock the door, rational thoughts be damned.

She understood Goro Akechi, she thought. And she hated him all the more for it.

She'd often imagined what kind of person would do it? A cold mercenary figure who'd just seen it as 'a job'? A sadistic madman who'd relished in the misery he'd cause? A fanatic believer who simply considered her 'acceptable losses' in some crusade?

But it was someone like her. Someone who understood her pain like no one else did. Felt it like her. Knew it.

He'd killed her mother before her eyes, knowing all that. He knew exactly what he was doing to her. But he did it, so he could get his father's approval, so he could then turn on him. 

She wasn't bad though. Hatred is never a good thing. Akechi himself was showcasing this, right? Everyone else was being nice, so she was probably wrong to feel this way? Wrong to hate him as much as she did. And perhaps, after the ass kicking, there would be remorse. And she could... not forgive him, but take it. Get a moment of understanding what he did to her, that he knew her pain as she knew his, and that he regretted causing it. Not even an apology, just a hint that somewhere, killing her mother weighted on him. 

Nothing. He never talked to her, or Haru. It wasn't like the ace-detective didn't know. All there had been was more envious saying of how he craved friends, and how he would now lose his reputation and how he wasn't 'special' and she had to deal with everyone saying how great he was.

And then Ann offered him to join and Futaba had just... accepted it. Her life was way better than it ever had been, and she cared for her friends. If that meant that she'd have to not only deal with her mother's murderer to be treated like a victim, but to have to accept that he'd be there when they enacted revenge on the one who ordered it, then fine. Friends were worth that.

They all seemed to care so much for it. Don't be so selfish Futaba. Just do the right thing like a hero.

And then the Cognitive Akechi had shown up. And she'd gone in battle stance. Briefly, she'd been afraid Ren would take him up on the offer. Not in a suicidal way of course, just in some kind of desperate scheme to save Akechi's life. Akechi had other ideas.

There'd been a brief sense of acceptance there. Of course, there'd be the talk of his 'redemption in self-sacrifice', and she'd never be able to properly say how much she hated him, because no matter how many people he murdered, he left the stage doing the heroic thing, and she'd read plenty of mangas to know how this went.

But she could deal with it. Heck, she could even be grateful, despite her hatred, since there was a real chance that Cognitive Akechi would have actually killed them all. So she was quiet as Akechi pleaded them to defeat Shido. Let him exit the story nobly then, just let him exit.

With the help of Prometheus she even heard his last line against his Cognitive partner. And then the two gunshots.

And then it was over. She was free. She closed her eyes and tried to let go of her hatred. No point in hating a dead man. Focus on Shido now. No, better, focus on Ren, be there for him as he looks in anguish at the shutter.

She detected a ragged intake of breath.

No, she must have misheard.

A second one, deeper, then exhaled with a shudder.

It must be a death rattle, just air leaving the corpse. Or maybe it's the Cognitive Akechi who'd been left injured.

She was way too smart to fool herself. Breath after breath came. Laboured, coughing, shallow, barely audible. She waited several breaths, hoping to have it fall silent every time. Come on you asshole. Don't screw up your noble sacrifice. Die your stupid heroic death and become the Akechi that wasn't so bad and couldn't help it and if only he could still be here with us and I will be able to be okay with that because you'll be dead.

But Akechi stubbornly lived. She saw her friends try to open the shutter. Given time, they'd succeed. They'd rescue Akechi, and he'd actually take that offered friendship and they'd have him go along to fight Shido and afterwards, well, he was so young when he did those things and it was Shido's fault and didn't he make up for it by defeating Shido? He would get away with it, he would live, and learn to enjoy life and friendship and always be around Ren and she'd always have him there not caring about what he did to her, and every moment around Ren would be holding back so she wouldn't suddenly be the hateful and unforgiving one and they'd all leave her behind and...

There was a single clear thought that pierced her panicky thoughts. 

_I don't have to tell them._

The sheer fact that she'd considered it. Lying to her friends. Letting someone die, froze her out of her growing panic. How could she even think it? She was the spunky heroine. That was strictly Bad End choices.

Sure, it was evil. But she could be forgiven. If all Akechi suffered meant he could be forgiven for all the innocents he killed, then for all the suffering she had, she could have THIS. She couldn't be expected to actually SAVE his life.

She met Ren's eyes. Joker's mask were there, but Joker's eyes would never be so pleading, so desperate. Out of time, give your answer, just go with what's in your heart.

“His signal is... gone... I'm only getting... the weaklings.” She stammered out.

She saw the flash of pain in Ren's eyes, and guilt hit her in the stomach like a hammer blow. She almost blurted out he was alive, but shame followed up with a choke hold. He could never know. He could never know she was a liar, murderer terrible person who didn't deserve love and he'd probably find out and she should just go find somewhere to die like Akechi and she couldn't speak up because she was too weak and...

No.There was another thought that rose up. Nothing noble. The memory of that proud and determined yellow eyed glare of her shadow. The anger in her voice. The anger in her heart. The anger that had freed her.

The guilt pulled back, the shame quieted down. They'd be back in the late hours, but fine. She'd take it. She'd live with it. But she wouldn't forgive. She wouldn't let anyone of them get away with it.

Her own mask hid her eyes as she lowered her head, the other Phantom Thieves moving to leave at Morgana's prodding.

“...help...” she heard a desperate, pleading whisper from behind the shutter, barely audible even with Prometheus helping her.

Oracle turned away and followed the others, and left Goro Akechi to die alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I always felt that the major weakness of the scene here is that nothing ever gets done with Futaba's determination to go after her mother's murderer. Even when Akechi says he only killed criminals, Futaba stays quiet. And while talking on a discord, I got this idea.


End file.
